Resurfacing

Life has been a tad overwhelming as of late and although I’ve been doing a lot of personal writing, I’ve had a rather serious case of writer’s block as far as this blog is concerned. It happens. I’ll stew on ideas for a bit longer and see where they take me. In the meantime, I know that attitude is key and gratitude helps remind you that life isn’t all bad (even though it has certainly felt that way at times) and when you’re in the solid middle class bracket in the United States with a steady paycheck and a Starbucks never more than a block away, you really can’t bitch all of the time (but some of the time is ok. We’re only human, after all, and bad events are bad events.) So, I choose in this moment to focus on the positive. It is Friday, and I soon get to go home and bake some unbelievably decadent brownies from a Cooking Light (yes, you read that correctly) issue. Work has been busy, but I’ve been productive, which works for me. I need to feel necessary, and although I get a little annoyed when I’m trying to wrap up one project while somebody calls me into their office to begin another project, it at least makes me feel necessary and valued and worthy of my paycheck. Also, because many of my projects have been of the written nature, my boss has been cool about letting me work from home now and then. I feel I’m actually more productive in my pajamas (oddly enough), and it’s amazing how much physically lighter I feel at home. There’s something about the commute and DC that just seems oppressive; I can breathe when I’m at home.

I’ve begun to take some much-needed steps toward improving my rapidly deteriorating emotional health (again, I blame DC), and while I know from experience that this road can be long and bumpy, I still find relief in the fact that eventually I’ll be back to my happy self. I’m going to remind myself that I do have choices, that I can make changes even if they’re difficult, and that my opinions, wants and needs are as important as those of anybody else.

Bitches.

(just kidding.)

(Well, kidding about the bitches part. Not kidding about standing up for myself a bit more and not taking the back seat to my own life. EMPOWERMENT, BABY. SING IT, SISTER!)

I’m not running as much, but I’m fine with that. I exercise the way I want when I want to. When I do run, I’ve taken to leaving my garmin at home. I don’t need to know right now how fast or slow I’m going–the important thing is to just enjoy it, and if what I’m enjoying is 30-45 seconds per mile slower than what I was running a few months ago, that’s just fine. Normally, I don’t take such a laissez faire approach to working out, but I think it was sort of necessary after my “RUN EVERY RACE IN THE WORLD!” approach. Maybe when this lazy phase is over I can settle somewhere in the middle. If my clothes start getting a little snug I might get a bit more aggressive, but in the meantime I’m continuing to enjoy this much needed reprieve. So I’m grateful I guess not only for the break, but for allowing myself to enjoy this break without feeling so damn guilty all of the time.

And finally, I’m grateful for Pandora and YouTube, both of which provide me with much needed soothing background music as I navigate through the current difficulty that is my life. Ah, how I love Helen Jane Long. And the video! How cute is this video?

Oh, and margaritas. I’m grateful for margaritas, and anyone who can’t say the same is a right idiot. Just calling it like I see it.

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